Real Bad Realtor Ads

Want to inject a little awful into your Friday? Well, look no further than Keepin' It Realtor, "a showcase for the world’s finest real estate creative." Because in a bad housing market, there's no better way to stand out than by superimprosing your head on the body of a lamb.

Did he say what I think he said? Yes, he did.

Happy Friday. Enjoy some wackiness.

Hat tip: My brother

Made to Stick sticks it to the GM ad

I'm not the only one who sees some contradictions in GM's heavy rotation Olympic ad. Here's what they're saying on the Made to Stick blog:

[I]t seems to be a rare specimen: the self-refuting argument. First, there’s the primary argument, made via the titles: “…goes for miles and miles on every gallon,” “hybrid,” “biofuel,” “clean diesel,” “fuel cell.” I.e., GM is Rainforest Pure. GM = Green Motors.

Then, at the end of the ad, as the song comes to an emotional close, comes the rejoinder: the HUMMER logo. Brilliant! Objection sustained.

The GM spot has made me dream of launching my own ad, with a (tough but inspiring) Lucinda Williams song playing over a montage of great moments in feminist history — from Seneca Falls to Rosie the Riveter, from Elizabeth Cady Stanton to Betty Friedan to Carly and Hillary. And then, with a dramatic flourish, as the cymbals crash and fade, comes: the HOOTERS logo.

From a marketing standpoint at least, it's time for GM to pick a side: stand by the Hummer and lose any environmentalist aspirations, or promote fuel efficiency and new technologies at the expense of Hummer porn. Regardless of whether the perception is based in reality, the Hummer stands for everything that environmentally-conscious consumers hate about gas-powered vehicles, so GM can't have it both ways. And because they're trying to do just that, I think the worst is yet to come for our shiny, blue friends.

Shiny, blue, and cheesy as hell

On Sunday night I turned on the Olympics for a few minutes, and this GM spot showed up. In the midst of the company's current troubles and the general national malaise about gas prices, the economy, and life in general, it rang more than a little hollow. Sure, the ad is pretty, but it ain't that pretty. Is this really all GM has to say about its products? You'll notice they ditch the word "Hummer" pretty quickly (don't blink at :13, or you'll miss it). Why not get rid of it altogether, and the rest of this one-size-fits-all, trite, let's-pat-ourselves-on-the-back message, and instead devote a full :60 to the Volt? Kind of a metaphor for not being able to let go of the past, no?

Hat tip: The Truth About Cars

I "hope" they "change" this ad

Texas's Central Kia does its part to remind all of us that most advertising is pretty lame.

Hat Tip: AdPulp

Scott the Nametag Guy says "your marketing sucks"

Scott Ginsberg, that guy with the perpetual nametag, posted a great list yesterday: "46 Marketing Mistakes Your Company Is (Probably) Making." Some great advice, and it all boils down to this:

If you stopped advertising, would ANYBODY even notice?

Lose 41 pounds--and still eat the foods you love!

Each year, you receive 41 pounds of junk mail--stuff that has no marketing value because it's not targeted at you and your needs. Do both yourself and the sender a favor, and follow the instructions in this Washington Post story about reducing the amount of stuff in your mailbox. Who knows? With all the time you save, you just might be able to get to the gym more often.

Photo: everaccess on stock.xchng

Thinking of using a stock photo in an ad, brochure, or website?

Read this first.

The 13 year-old boy test

Want an objective opinion about the name you've chosen for your new product? Run it by a group of 13 year-old boys. If they start giggling--and that's not the response you want to elicit from everyone else--then go back to the drawing board.

I bet the marketers behind AcipHex wish they had done that.

Unfortunate ad placement of the week

From the LA Times, yet another example of how we don't have that whole online thing figured out quite yet.

Hat Tip: AdRants

Where communication, the law, marketing, and fragmentation intersect

A miscommunication horror story from Michigan. How does something like this happen? Well...

• Imprecise language. If you advertise it as "MIKE'S LEMONADE," don't blame people for thinking it's lemonade. The sad truth is, the root cause of the problem was probably just a lack of space on the sign to call the product what it really is.
  
• Beauracratic idiocy. O.K., this one's off topic--but c'mon. This is just stupid.
• Marketing. Lemonade's tasty, and it overpowers the alcohol. Great combination, right?
  
• Fragmentation. We have unlimited choice in products, which makes it impossible to keep track of everything. Why hadn't this dad heard of this particular product? "Nobody in the...family watches much television."

The lesson in all this? I dunno. Always check the label? Watch more TV? Drink more water? Get a bigger sign?

Photo: Eric Seals, Detroit Free Press
Hat tip: NancyNall.com

Mark Cuban on interruption vs. engagement

Mark Cuban is right when he says that turning up the volume is one of the fastest ways to get people to stop listening to you.

Almost without exception, a well-placed whisper is more effective than random screaming.

Photo: kk+ on Flickr

What's Noo? on an old problem

Two reasons why people still can't stand techjargon:

1. The way it's used by IT people like Saturday Night Live's "Nick Burns, Your Company's Computer Guy," and

2. Ads like this

If automakers can come up with decent brand names for cars, why can't computer companies do the same with PCs?

He's got the Brazen Careerist's vote

Slate doesn't like the new ads for Johm...make that John...McCain. And the typo shown above is just one of the reasons.

Maybe Penelope Trunk is on the McCain campaign payroll.

West wing and a prayer

Maybe I'm just old. But does anyone other than Kanye West think it's a good idea for Kanye West to start an online travel website? From today's adage.com:

The Grammy-award-winning performer is extending his brand with a travel website this week, KanyeTravel.com, that aims to offer quality low airfares, hotels and rental cars without service or membership fees. The site is hyperlinked to Mr. West's fan site, kanyeuniversecity.com, and future phases call for travel packages with tickets to his concerts and concert merchandise.

My prediction is that this implodes within six months, and that the last five and half months are just to make it look like it wasn't a total disaster. Your predictions are welcome in the comments.

The facts about broadband--and the Yellow Pages

On Monday, a commenter named "Ken" took me to task for my claim that recent stats about the effectiveness of phone book advertising appear to be self-serving. One of Ken's arguments was that "The Internet is wonderful thing, but [the] myth that it [sic] all we need doesn't hold water." First, I've never said that the Internet is "all we need." I don't think any advertising medium is a smoking-gun, and I've posted in the past about how the web can be as ineffective as traditional media. But, yes, if I had to choose between the two, I'd take the web over the phone book every time. Although that's not saying a lot, because I'd usually take any medium over the phone book.

Ken went on to claim that "The Wall Street Journal reported recently that the broadband market is about tapped out." That sounded a little preposterous, so I did some research and found this recent WSJ article, which seemed to make precisely the opposite argument:

[B]roadband adoption is accelerating. Government studies confirm that America's broadband growth rate has jumped from 32% per year to 52%. With new numbers expected shortly, we anticipate a continued positive trend.

Now that same WSJ article did support Ken's assertion that "[b]arely more than 50% of households in the U.S... currently subscribe to a high-speed Internet service." However, those numbers can fluctuate wildly depending on how you define "broadband." Earlier reports from Nielsen estimate a 78% broadband penetration rate. Now, I'm not saying that Nielsen's number is right and the 52% number is wrong. But I'm not finding a lot of support for the claim that "the broadband market is about tapped out."

Ken also took exception to my skepticism about the source of the data cited in the MSNBC story about Old Yeller's effectiveness. Ken said that the research was the product of "several highly respected research groups. The data is real so believe it." Well, I might be willing to do that--if not for the industry's lack of credibility with others, as reported today on btobonline.com. You'll forgive me if that makes the Yellow Pages' claims seem a little dubious.

Finally, I want to address Ken's final paragraph, which I'll reprint here in its entirety:

The VCR didn’t replace movie theaters, TV didn’t replace radio, and the Internet will NOT be replacing the printed Yellow Pages. It will supplement it. There is no other directional media that can provide buyers the information they need when they need it about local businesses than the print Yellow Pages. It is truly the original local search engine….

A few notes:

1. No, the VCR didn't replace movie theatres. But the DVD player has pretty much replaced the VCR. And the Internet is causing a serious downturn in movie theatre attendance.

2. No, TV didn't replace radio. But there's no question that the Internet is challenging the relevance of both media.

3. The last two sentences sound like they come directly from a Yellow Pages talking points memo, but let's just say that the industry's attempt to compare itself to a "search engine" is telling. You don't, on the other hand, see other media calling themselves "the new local Yellow Pages."

Here's the thing: I don't like criticizing commenters. I need all the traffic I can get, and I don't want to scare anyone away. However, one of the things that makes advertising so confusing today is that there's a lot of bad information out there, most coming from people who will tell you just about anything to sell you ad space. Now I have no allegiance to any one medium. I'll use anything that works. But I'm guessing Ken is more interested in his own self-preservation than getting his facts straight.

If Ken doesn't work for some derivative of the phone book industry, I'll eat my words--and every page in the phone book. I'll have to borrow someone else's, though, since I've moved on to the new local search engine.

BOA video makes Bono drop dead and immediately begin spinning in his grave

Sometimes, words cannot suffice to describe horribleness, so I'll just say this reinforces my seething hatred of jingles* and reminds us all that just because we can bastardize a U2 song, it doesn't mean we should. I'm certain it will haunt me for the rest of my life.



*O.K., so technically it's not a jingle. But it's in the jingle family, and that's enough for me.

Phone books relevant, phone book industry says. And up next: the emperor discusses his new clothes!

MSNBC reports on the phone book industry's attempts to tout its own relevance:

Industry leaders assert that consumers use yellow pages at a higher rate than newspapers and radio for local business information. Shoppers who open yellow books intend to spend cash, they say, and businesses advertising in the national print yellow pages can expect a return of about 13-to-1, according to statistics from the nonprofit trade group Yellow Pages Association.

This is just absurd. I don't know where these numbers come from, but I haven't touched a phone book in months, and even then it was only to pick it up from outside my front door and throw it away. And I suspect I'm not alone: I know of only one person who uses the phone book, and while he's not exactly a Luddite, he's no Steve Jobs, either. Of course, it's hard to find credible phone book usage stats, because most of them are provided by--you guessed it--phone book company executives.

Old Yeller isn't completely useless today (see this Slate story about the role it plays in Internet culture). But unless you're in an industry that appeals only to the shrinking population of those without Internet access, an ad in the Yellow Pages is a waste of money.

When did you last use a phone book? And if that was to find a residential phone number, when is the last time you found a product or service via the Yellow Pages?

Chalk one up for the apostrophe

More proof that puncutation isn't optional.

Photo from Grammar Girl's Group Photo Pool on Flickr

"That's pretty harsh!"

It's the weekend, so relax* with the crazy kids at Cracked.com and the "5 Retro Commercials Companies Would Like You to Forget."

*Well, unless you can't make a decent cup of coffee. Then you can't relax.